I Hate Pie
by Loved by Pyramus
Summary: -One Shot- Kagome's sick of how Inuyasha treats her. Inuyasha soon gets his revenge for the "politeness" spell the miko casts...


**I Hate Pie...**

_By: Akurei_

(HieiAndSess'sBabyGirl)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Inuyasha. I think. You never know... One of those fan girls might have beaten me up and stolen the poor pup, leaving me bleeding in a ditch with amnesia... Maybe... A girl can dream...

I thought up the idea for this after it happened to me. I was bitched at for an hour and wound up crying on the bathroom floor...

**Chapter 1**

_Birthday Pleasantries_

Kagome grimaced as she hauled herself over the side of the well - a difficult task if you think about all the heavy necessities crammed in her backpack. But then, what would she do without the gifts, food, and Tylenol contained within?

If Kagome didn't have the gifts for Shippo's birthday then the kit might cry - thus making Inuyasha particularly frustrated when he asked for ramen. And if she didn't have the food she couldn't made ramen and Inuyasha, already ready to strangle Shippo, would bitch about anything and everything until he got ramen. And if she didn't have the Tylenol to get rid of the headache sure to be caused by a crying kit and hungry hanyou she was sure to snap and kill one of them whom shall not be named. _Cough -_ _Inuyasha -_ _Cough_

So you see, at that very moment, the backpack's contents were already saving lives.

Unfortunately, it was not saving Kagome's back.

The miko let out a puff of hot air and plopped on the ground next to the old well, a rope tied around her waist and dangling into it. Once she hit her second wind, she turned to pull her OTHER stuff out, it being hauled up by the rope. Inside the large cooler was an already prepared, 4-star meal - courtesy of her mother - a cake - for Shippo - and an ice cream pie thing with Oreo crumbs and whip cream covering it.

Normally, Kagome didn't like pie - as odd as that may be - but this was the only exception. It was more ice cream than pie, anyways.

"What the hell is that?" A voice from behind asked gruffly.

Kagome whirled around quickly - nearly dropping the cooler.

Inuyasha caught it before it could fall back into the well. He pulled it out in one, effortless tug and set it down next to her.

"THAT is dinner." She said coolly. She was already mad at Inuyasha - they had an argument over how he treated her before she left - and wanted to speak with him as seldom as possible. Especially with his attitude.

"You're still mad at me?" He scowled. The overgrown puppy was still convinced that "_Hey, Bitch!_" was a proper greeting and that there was no need to even add a "_Please_?" to his frequent demand of, "_Get more ramen, wench_."

"Of course I'm still mad at you, Inuyasha - you insensitive _jerk_! I'm _sick _of how you treat me!" She snapped at him. Fire sparked in her eyes and her whole body tensed up, her eyes shooting him razor sharp glares.

"I can treat you however the hell I want, _bitch_!" He yelled, while mental checking to make sure he wouldn't be impaled when she "sat" him like he knew she would.

"Sit, boy!" Kagome cried. "SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, SIT, _SIT_!!!" She counted out a hundred and one sits and watch his body shake every time one took affect.

However, she still didn't feel satisfied.

After all, it didn't really help anything. Sure it relieved a bit of stress and cleared up the sinuses, but did it make him treat her any better? No, if fact, he'd probably act ten times worse and find some way to exact his revenge.

Wonder what he'd come up with this time?

Kagome sighed and headed towards the village with her bags, leaving two Tylenol next to Inuyasha for when he woke from his coma. She dragged the cooler behind her by the rope and it only got hung up on a few roots on the way there.

Once she got there, she stumbled into Kaede's hut (can't spell her name...) and set her bags near the wall. The old woman smiled lightly when she saw Kagome.

That was when Kagome was struck by the most ingenious plan...

When Inuyasha woke from his Kagome-induced coma, he slowly raised his head from the large, Inuyasha-shaped crater and gulped down the Tylenol the second he spotted it. Even if he was from the past, he was now VERY familiar with the drugs. Mortal combat did that to ya.

The hanyou rolled out of the hole and noticed Kagome sitting over him with a bowl in hand. He blinked.

"Wha' tha he'?" He asked dizzily. Somewhere near the 37th sit he bit his tongue and was having difficulty talking properly.

Kagome splashed him in the face with something reddish-brown that smelled strongly of herbs and he gagged at the smell.

Then something odd happened.

The stuff glowed pink for a second before becoming dull brown again and soaking into his skin. It was all gone before he could even react.

He moved to yell, "Bitch! What the fuck was that???" along with other obscenities, but found that he couldn't. It was like... like his brain sent the message to his mouth, but his mouth refused. Like his body had gone on strike.

'Can it do that?' He thought stupidly as he sat up, attempting to shoot glares at Kagome. No such luck.

"What -" He was going to say "the fuck do you do to me???" but got cut off. Again. "Did you do to me?" His mouth ended. "Wait, that's not what I was going to say!" He cried, but found that his voice refused to raise it's volume to any higher than normal speech.

"It's a politeness spell. Kaede made it for me. Now you can't yell or say rude things or glare or hurt anyone or anything." Kagome grinned.

"What do you mean I can't hurt anybody??? I HAVE to hurt things! It's my job!" He tried to yell. No luck. Damn.

"We thought of that. You can only yell and hurt people when they deserve it. Oh, and you can cuss then too. I figured your wise-cracks during battle might come off weird if you couldn't cuss." She smiled.

"You may not be able to see it, but I am give you the world's biggest-" He tried to say, '-glare and kiss-my-ass-look ever' but it got edited down to, "-kiss ever." His eyes widened when he heard himself and Kagome choked.

"That's nice..." She coughed.

"That's not what I said!" He cried and bashed his head against the well, thus providing a new dent. How he could dent stone, I don't know.

"I was wondering how that dent got there..." Kagome said, referring to her well at home. "Oh well. Come on, Inuyasha. Shippo's waiting for us to come back to start his party." The miko smiled happily, offering Inuyasha her hand.

The hanyou tried to shrug it off and stand on his own, but apparently his subconscious thought that would be rude. Instead, his hand reached up to meet hers and she tugged him up.

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!' He screamed mentally. He glared at her, or at least tried to, and thought, 'Oh, you just wait, bitch... You'll get what's coming to you...'

And on that note, they walked back to the village in silence.

When they reached the village, Shippo launched himself onto Kagome and they started the party before he could spontaneously combust.

Inuyasha just sulked through most of it. There was one semi-sweet moment where he gave Shippo a hunting knife he'd been working on for a week. Of course, then Kagome took the knife from Shippo and said he was too young to play with sharp objects.

'Bitch! He's old enough to start learning how to defend himself! You can't coddle him forever! He has to learn eventually!' He tried to yell but it came out as some insanely polite piece of drivel that would never help him win an argument.

Kagome, of course, over rode his idea and said that she'd always protect him.

"He's a kitsune - he'll live ten times your life span - he has to learn to fight." His overly sweet side said.

Kagome just got angry and 'sat' him. Again. Ouch.

When Inuyasha managed to pull himself off the ground, he noticed that Kagome was serving food absent mindedly and quickly slipped the knife from her back pocket. He traded a look with Shippo before sliding it to him and telling him not to play with it - that he'd teach him how to hunt tomorrow.

The kitsune grinned and pocketed it. He was sick of being mostly helpless, and maybe Kagome would like having the rabbits he planned to hunt.

Later on that night, while everyone was mostly asleep, Shippo and Kagome were both sitting together while Inuyasha dozed in the corner.

"Kagome-chan?" Shippo asked.

"Hmm?"

"Can I have some more pie?"

"Sure, Shippo-chan." Kagome yawned and stumbled over to the cooler, grabbing a plate and fork. She set those by Shippo and moved to get the pie. The cold, Oreo, ice cream pie was dripping with condensation and the edges were slippery. The lid slipped off.

"No!" Kagome squeaked as the treat landed face down on the floor of the hut. "Oh, damn..." She muttered.

Inuyasha woke when he heard her squeal and looked around.

'She dropped the pie. Oh well. Wait... That's a reason to get mad, right?' He thought. He grinned evilly.

"Stupid bitch! You dropped the damn pie! How could ANYBODY be that clumsy???" Inuyasha yelled.

Kagome blinked and started to tear up when she heard him.

"You knew the damn thing was wet! You clumsy, stupid wench! I wanted some of that too!" Inuyasha cried. Really, he was throwing the whole thing out of proportion, but it was revenge.

Kagome burst into tears as she tried to clean it up. Why didn't anything work? He was always mad at her - always trying to put her down...

Shippo glared at Inuyasha and moved to hug Kagome. "It's ok, Kagome-chan... Inuyasha's just being a jerk." He said.

Kagome broke into sobs as she rubbed the gooey mess up, dumping it back into the pan.

Shippo, being the sensitive kid that he is, suddenly started crying too. It's like one of those things where - when you're a little kid - you see mom crying and just can't help but break into tears and cry with her.

"D-d-don't cry K-Kagome-chan... I didn't even like that pie... It was too c-cold and -sniff- gooey..." He sobbed and clutched his surrogate mother.

And just then, watching the sight, Inuyasha suddenly felt miserable. He meant to get her back, not to make her cry!

"Kagome..." He said softly and scooted over to the sobbing bodies. Tears streamed down their faces as they sniffed in unison. "Kagome, I'm sorry... Just... Please don't cry..." He had no clue if his "politeness" spell was making him say _please_ and _sorry_ or whether it was really him.

Kagome broke into more violent, bone shaking sobs when he slipped his arms around the pair and held them. Shippo copied her beautifully, his wet tears coating her shoulder.

The pair cried themselves to sleep in the arms of the callous hanyou.

Kagome repealed the spell the next morning and tried to act like nothing happened.

Inuyasha was still loud and rude, but with more care to ensure that she wouldn't cry. He still refused to change.

So I guess, in the end, nothing really did happen.

The End

Did it suck? I don't like it so much now that I've written it... Oh, and before you ask, no this did not happen to me. An incident similar to it happened to me the day before yesterday.

My mum had this big dinner for my grandparents and there was a 6 dollar pie she bought left over that night. My sister asked me for some while I was playing a game without pause, so I tried to race to get it. The lid slipped off and _**splat**_. My family's poor so we consider wasting anything a serious offence. My mum cussed me out and I would up crying because of how she treated me.

It wasn't the pie really, it was the reaction. I could care less about the damn pie right now. In MY story, no one apologized and nothing changed. They're still the same.

Well, that's it.

Akurei

(HieiAndSess'sBabyGirl)

R/R


End file.
